Mixed-up

2011-12-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

bu nan guo.ni zen me yong yuan zhang bu da.

bu . neng. ku!

2011-12-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

2011-12-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

上一次你开心的时候是几时？

我接触的和我真实体会的，天哪，多莫大的分别！

我分分秒秒需要确定自己还活着，还有很多琐碎的事需要烦心。

我看着那熟悉又陌生的面孔，穿梭在这座城市的人群，

然后寂寞侵蚀我的每一个部位，慢慢地把我融化。

每一次我以为会有多么不同，失望空虚懊恼自责埋怨无孔不入渗透进我的身体。

最后我往往都会抬头望星空。

世界那么大，人口又那么稠密，却仿佛只有星空了解我。

2011-11-12T01:28:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have a crush on Apple things, first from Iphone 4s and now to Ipod touch. It's so difficult to make a decision which to buy when you are not using your own money. Nah...I am just pretending. HAHA. But, I really want to earn my own money to buy apple things.

2011-10-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

To my dearest mom,

I know your birthday is coming up. I want to write something very touching but realising that just isn't my style.

I remembered when I was a little kid, how I always tried to rebel against anything you and dad said. Well, sadly for you, I think I am still remain unchanged. But, somehow part of me has changed. I always dreamed going overseas to study just so I could finally have a rest from all the 'nagging' from you and dad and started my life alone. I always thought being alone I can be better.

It turned out yeah I become a little more independent (not very convincing?). This sounds strange though. Leaving home makes me realise how important you and dad are in my life. I like being home actually and would rather stay at home every minutes and seconds rather than going anywhere. (This is from me in scotland. I bet you will not hear that from me in malaysia). HAHA. I know it's ironic.

I miss home. I miss you and dad. I miss habibi. I miss both my sisters. No worries. I am taking very good care of myself here. Please take good care of yourself too. I know it's tired when you come home from work and need to do chores at home. If it's too tiring, hire a maid or just leave it there. HAHA..dad gonna nag you.

Okay, I am gonna end it here.

Yours truly,

shareting

2011-10-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

突然往那个方向一望，被吓倒，他看的眼神很不一样，对我笑？为什么？

我喜欢看街上形形色色的人

虽然有点随便、随便给陌生人笑容，对我们这边的人来说太过亲切，慢慢适应应该还好的，总要回报一个笑容吧。

2011-10-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

在那之前，是怎样的呢？

现在半夜十二点，我在glasgow，听着blind pilot 的 The Story I Heard。

在这里的第二个星期，发了高烧，大概痊愈了，又流鼻血，也停止了，还不想复习，不能不复习。

我疯狂这里的shopping，HM，topshop，zara，asos，urban outfitters，river island 太多了。

我爱他们。

或许再过一阵子，我让我自己更加的让自己舒适于这个新环境，然后我要更加细心打扮。那是让我唯一开心的事。非常开心。呵呵还有跟爸爸妈妈在skype 聊天的时候。

还有每天几乎都在做groceries shopping，去aldi，tesco，sainsbury，poundland shop，tj hughes，seewoo，chungying，买不完啊！！！！！！！！

然后，我在primark 买了毛巾、在房间穿的鞋、一件skinny jeans （只有九英镑！）、小枕头、围巾，在river island买了一双 boots。

现在楼下超吵的，这里的人好像每个都是alcoholics，每天一到晚上就酗酒，隔天早上，路上满是玻璃瓶碎片。不喜欢！

刚来真的觉得这里超冷的，不过现在慢慢适应了，冷了就要穿厚点，因为着凉了生病了是自己辛苦，还是要自己照顾自己啊！

打算在这里要继续我的routine，yoga 还有游泳。可是没有yoga map。。呜呜我带不过来。。嗨继续想办法啦。

为什么楼下那一群人非得在这里吵吵闹闹的，去别的地方啦，吵死人。

楼下又不懂什么声音一直乱跳的声音，吵死人了。

2011-06-10T01:15:00.001-07:00

We all fall for pricks.They're spontaneous,unpredictable and fun.Then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

2011-06-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been torn into pieces. I just want to find some peace.

2011-06-08T09:43:00.001-07:00

有时我常觉得，人活着就像在泥地上行走，太过云淡风轻，回过头就会遗憾什么都没留下，连个脚印都没有，但是心里装的东西太重，一不小心就会陷进去，难以自拔。——辛夷坞《山月不知心底事》

2011-06-07T03:42:00.000-07:00

我左看、右看、上看、下看，他的每一个角度都像你，他笑的时候，他皱眉的时候，是我太想你，还是。。怎么？我也知道看偶像剧太多并不好，我都很久没看了，只是越看他越像你，我越想看。

2011-06-06T09:12:00.001-07:00

那些物质，要了这个，又要另外一个，永远要不完。唉。。

2011-06-05T12:07:00.001-07:00

喜欢的人是不是只能遥远的望着呢？

A dose of colour

2011-05-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

via sleepwalk9to5, gary pepper vintage, katmosphere, jennyfromtheblock, brownplatform.

2011-05-23T07:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I ask what am I doing actually. Why I just can't be comfortable with the present? Why do I constantly want more?

I gotta have some faith. I think.

2011-05-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

2011-05-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

雨后的城市，寂寞又狼狈。

2011-05-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

in search of solitude

At the moment I just want to be alone.

2011-05-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

被称赞的感觉真好，尤其在众多人面前，哈哈，太久没有这种感觉了。

谦虚点。

所以遇到愤怒的病人，表现得你能体谅他的状况，或许能消掉他的怒气喔。

对，今天有一堂课是imu 请外面的人装扮病人，在不同的case扮演不同的病人。

而我选的case 就是warfarin overdose，怒气冲冲的病人一进病房就把药丢到桌子上，质问为药剂师给错药。

还没开始前，紧张死了。我不断的重复道歉。

结果，老师把我和之前的朋友比较，说我cool down the patient，说另外一个男生 provoke the patient，就是说让病人更生气。哈哈，暗爽。

懷念 - 王菲

2011-04-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

關起滿室　不足的氧氣　點著煙蒂　回味你的呼吸
搜索腦裡　未完的齟齬　對著空氣　還擊著你的問題
推辭每次　真實的相聚　困著自己　渴望著你的消息
沾沾自喜　拒絕的魅力　不著痕跡　享受著與你的距離

也許喜歡懷念你　多於看見你
我也許喜歡想像你　多於得到你

我關起滿室　不足的氧氣　點著煙蒂　回味你的呼吸
散落一地　斷續的謎語　對著空氣　還擊著你的問題
推辭每次　真實的相聚　困著自己　渴望著你的消息
翻來覆去　甜蜜的懷疑　故作神秘　延續著你的好奇

也許喜歡懷念你　多於看見你
我也許喜歡想像你　不需要抱著你

也許喜歡懷念你　多於看見你
我也許喜歡想像你　受不了真一起　啊

2011-04-19T05:12:00.001-07:00

这是一个充满物欲与浮躁的时代，没有人在意你想什么，也没有人留心你做什么。在你做出成就之前，你要忍受拷问心灵的寂寞孤独，端正愤世嫉俗的倾斜心态，抵御时常袭来的诱惑冷箭。如果没有功成名就，就不要过分强调你的自尊，失去了成功的保护光环，自尊只是一张薄薄的纸，谁都可以轻易地捅破它。

2011-02-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

"Those who are trying to find love will end up with hatred, frustration and insanity. Those who are trying to find wealth will end up totally neurotic, psychotic and totally crab. Because if you are trying to find something, you have basically, intentionally, intuitively, and individually accepted that you do not have it." Yogi Bhajan

2011-02-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

B血型女（四大血型女结婚秘诀）

1。虽然企划力很强，但缺乏计划性。

2。对于自己的信念十分专一。

3。不听别人说话。（so true，我朋友都说过我。：P）

4。奇怪是褒义词。（哈哈哈，我真的觉得奇怪对我来说是一种称赞。）

5。喜欢最基本的自由。（没有自由，那简直是受罪啊。）

6。想到就做。

7。好奇心旺盛。

8。相当直白。

9。不被困难打倒。

我觉得太准了。

2011-01-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

亲爱的自己，如果不开心了就找个角落或者在被子里哭一下，你不需要别人同情可怜，哭过之后一样可以开心生活；亲爱的自己，学会控制自己的情绪，谁都不欠你，所以你没有道理跟别人随便发脾气，耍性子；亲爱的自己，你可以失望但不能绝望，你要始终相信，tomorrow is another day。

2011-01-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

一间民歌餐厅、一把吉他、一把声音、一杯啤酒、一整个无眠的夜。我想念那样的氛围。

2011-01-07T09:23:00.001-08:00

'I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig-tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked...I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig-tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing them meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, one by one, they plopped to the gound at my feet.'

-The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

2011-01-02T05:27:00.000-08:00

你说难吃的这条鱼是爸爸驾车从菜市场买回来、洗干净、切成小块、煮成一道菜、把鱼刺去掉、再放进饭盒里的。说难吃真简单。

Merry christmas xoxo

2010-12-15T02:22:00.000-08:00

shining shining like a Star in my heart

2010-12-15T02:14:00.000-08:00

2010-11-24T03:58:00.000-08:00

My family knows me better than anybody else. They know exactly what I need when I am down or sick. I love them so much.

2010-11-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

2010-10-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Love the lyrics.

'And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished'

'It takes some silence to make sound

It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain'

Life is wonderful -Jason Mraz

2010-10-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

At some point of my life I think I am pathetic. Like not enough people care for me. oh gosh, this kind of feeling comes and goes and now it comes again.

2010-10-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

I don't want drama in my life.

But here I am. I just got myself into a car crash today. The whole bumper drops onto the road. The motorcyclist falls from the bike. No injury. Everything's fine. Except all the curse words from malay and the makcik who fall from the bike. I went blank. TOTALLY BLANK. Luckily, some nice chinese people either the passer by or the shop owner come to me and tell me not to feel scared. I feel so grateful to them. You must feel really strange why i mention chinese and malay. Sorry I have to say, here I live in Malaysia, where everything is 'SATU MALAYSIA'. That one is probably the saddest part for me in this whole accident thing. Here people judge you based on your skin color. I do not mean all of them, it happens to be majority.

The traffic jam. My car stucks in the middle of the road, waiting for the policeman to come so that report can be made. A lot of people talk to me how to handle the accidents. A lot of stranger, a lot of kind stranger who is willing to stop and help. I am guessing most of the people just pop out their head to see what's so interesting. Even people from DAP (politics) comes to offer help. I do not have such experience before, let alone to say how to react or respond to such situation. That is just a minute, my soul is like leaving my body and I could not hear the whispering from all of the people around. I am the one who is alive and everyone remains static. I look around and could not believe the car crash, the falling of motorcyclist, the malay people cursing, the strangers offer help, the traffic jam, the traffic police, people taking pictures for evidence, the car insurance thing, the compensation, the giving of telephone number, four or five trailers come to the scene are actually all because of me. I wish I could collapse at that moment. =(

Tomorrow still need to make the police report.

2010-10-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

Songs I can never get tired of listening. I heart such mellow music and almost fall in love with the people who sing the songs.

2010-10-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

你承认过你的寂寞吗？

Quote

2010-09-30T00:24:00.003-07:00

活着就是会吃到苦。如果味道实在太苦, 那就赶快吐掉, 然后去漱口。如果是吐不掉的, 非吞下去不可的苦, 那就赶快吞下去。不管是要吐掉, 还是要吞下, 反正就是不要把苦含在嘴巴里, 細細咀嚼。苦味存在, 是为了帮助我们下次趋吉避凶, 不是每餐拿来给我们下饭的。。。【康永~ 给残酷社会的善意短信】

2010-09-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

There is a gulf of emptiness waiting for us on the other side. Perhaps that's why we cling to technology and unconsciously allow ourselves to become so wrapped up in it. We're alone. Living online has temporarily made us forget that we're alone, and therein lies its elusive promise, to be connected, to be influential, to be heard.

-via theblogofinnocence

2010-09-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I prefer not to understand certain things. sort of runaway from things which I don't like. Deep down I ask myself, have I missed something that is important for me?

I truly loathe the careless me and undetailed me.

2010-09-03T02:19:00.001-07:00

"When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?" – Carrie Bradshaw

Must-go

2010-09-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

BANGKOK

1. Hua-Hin boutique hotel

2. Chatuchak

3. Sky bar

4. Bed Supperclub

5. Blue Elephant (where the waiter in the restaurant skate to serve you food and the price is affordable)

6. Siam paragon

7. Art Center

2010-08-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

ta-da, my random list:

1.nude color pants (notice a small pic
at bottom, I loveeeeeeee how the bottom part of pants is folded upwards to show ankle and it paired with oxford shoes, styyylishii)

2. vintage braided thin belt. It is versatile.

3. black rocker short boots. is it call boots?..similar to the pattern of doc marten. They can be matched with stockings which is a very very popular trend now. Seriously, not only the stockings can pair with boots, heels too! aren't they look lovely?

4. dye hair (the top right part) I want that color but I think maybe it's not suitable for me. I am really confused because no matter how I try I cannot imagine my hair is light bronze or whatever color that is not black.

5. crop top. with high waisted shorts awwwwwwwaaaawwwwww......................

okay, goodnight!
Tomorrow is public holiday which is national day. I couldn't feel any festive mood because I am stucked here with projects. (two statistics , one physio and one foundation pharm) T__T
desperate to go shopping~

Alexa chung and madewell

2010-08-30T00:46:00.000-07:00

from www.madewell.com

click on image for larger version

alexa chung collaborated with the madewell.

I love her and her outfit.

2010-08-29T07:47:00.001-07:00

It's time for me to go shopping alone,

2010-08-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

The first time I ever emitted into a hospital. It was few months ago. my laziness come in now only update. I am not keen to write long stories about what happened there because it occured long ago. Previously, I still have a lot in my mind to write. Short post it is.

2010-08-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

'It was true-everything looked ten times better through a drunken haze. Three cheers to the erosion of healthy brain cells.'

No, i am not drunk. I am too sober. That is a weird thought that I want to get drunk for the once in my lifetime. save it for the next time. I already complete the task to go clubbing for once in my lifetime in case you drop your jaw, I am a quiet and introvert girl. As far as I am concerned, I do not self proclaim this. well, there's always different perception.

is it the light pollution？

2010-08-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

We have grown so used to this pervasive orange haze that the original glory of an unlit night is wholly beyond our experience, beyond memory almost. and I missed the night I was in shangrila that the sky there is a complete dark that I have never seen before.

黑夜的颜色一点都不黑。
那个在香格里拉的夜晚，我从一间很大但只有我们的餐馆走出来，手不停的搓取暖，抬头一看，一轮又明又圆的月亮还有黑到无法形容的天空。惊讶？还是什么。因为我从来没有置身在如此黑暗的地方。对！我感觉自己非常渺小，渺小得已经快要被黑夜吞没。

2010-08-11T00:35:00.000-07:00

a scratch on my daughter G11, not to mention it's on the zoom button which cause a little (not little T___________________T) problem when I want to zoom the pictures. How SAD it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My heart aches. ouch!!!
Never let other people touch my daughter ever again. hmpphh!

2010-07-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

I am craving for that red shoes, vintage oxford shoes and that whole navy blue stripes sets. So beautiful~~

My birthday

2010-07-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

2010-07-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is the day that I am gonna see how far I can tahan during work.
Yes, I am working tomorrow.
Go by taxi. O.O

2010-07-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

Imfinity pool/Bali/a dog to accompany me for a walk/south africa trip/whitening/loves/less cynical/more hardworking

2010-07-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

I spent my birthday with eating cheesecake(from jiawen and jiayi) and walls royale ice-cream whole watching sex and the city season two.

For me, this is splendid, truly splendid.

2010-07-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

Oh, This made my day! (=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=

2010-07-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

What I really need:

A wardrobe of clothes

Motivation to study like real study serious one

A person who accompany me to take a stroll after dinner or maybe a dog, that'll be better :)

2010-06-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

小时候的我相当现在的我，现在的我想念小时候的我。

2010-06-29T06:00:00.001-07:00

I find this is meaningful..

如果你到了20歲，還沒到25歲
By 李開復(前微軟副總裁、Google中國區總裁)

如果你已經過了20歲但還不到25歲的話，你必須找到除了愛情之外，能夠使你用雙腳堅強站在大地上的東西。你要找到謀生的方式。現在考慮不晚了。

我從來不以為學歷有什麼重要，天才都不是科班，但，不是科班，連龍套都跑不了。

你必須把那些浮如飄絮的思緒，漸漸轉化為清晰的思路和簡單的文字。華麗和漂浮都不易長久。你要知道，給予文字閱讀快感不夠的，內容，思想，境界，靈魂，精神和智慧，這些才重要。不要多看那些和你一個路數的女作家的文字。不要瑣碎，無病呻吟。不要想到什麼就寫。不要流連於小感傷和小感動。

我要你相信溫暖，美好，信任，尊嚴，堅強這些老掉牙的字眼。我不要你頹廢，空虛，迷茫，糟踐自己，傷害別人。

我不要你把自己處理得一團糟。節制自己的感情並且珍惜它，明白這種感情不是任何人都能要。
體驗生活，是另外一回事，並不意味著墮落和放縱。千萬不要認同那些偽裝的酷和另類。他們是無事可做的人找出來放任自己無事可做的藉口，真正的酷是在內心。你要有強大的內心。

要有任憑時間流逝，不會磨折和屈服的信念。不是因為在學校的象牙塔中，才說出我愛世界這樣的話，是知道外面的黑，髒，醜陋之後，還要說出這樣的話。

好好去愛，去生活。青春如此短暫，不要嘆老。偶爾可以停下來休息，但是別蹲下來張望。走了一條路的時候，記得別回頭看。時不時問問自己，自己在幹嘛?傷心和委屈的時候，要嚎啕大哭。哭完洗完臉，拍拍自己的臉，擠出一個微笑給自己看。不要揉，否則第二天早上會眼睛腫。

給自己一個遠大的前程和目標。記得常常仰望天空。記住仰望天空的時候也看看腳下。任何時候，任何人問你，有過多少次戀愛，答案是兩次。

一次是他愛我，我不愛他。一次是我愛他，他不愛我。好的愛情永遠在下一次。別給同一個人兩次傷害你的機會。

不要與浪子，文藝青年交往，別和沒心沒肺的人在一起，別和沒有正當職業混日子的人在一起。別把犯賤當真愛。一個人作踐自己來取悅你的時候，千萬不要因此感動。一個男人的煙頭燙在他身上，下一個就可能燙在你身上。同樣的，當這個女人的刀片割斷她的手腕，下次就可能割斷你的。

千萬別相信一個不準備將你介紹給他的朋友圈子的男人。一個女人只肯喊你「寶貝」的時候，堅持要她喊你的名字，因為你是男人。一個男人或者女人不再來找你的時候，就不要再去找他或者她。不要相信在戀愛上用手段的人。分手時不要口出惡言。吸取教訓，但不要後悔。後悔沒有用。

別去做撕照片，燒信，撕日記這樣一類三流愛情電視劇中才有人幹的事。相信愛情。相信好男人和好女人還存在，還未婚，還在茫茫人海中尋覓你。別說「男人(或者女人)沒一個好東西」，這樣使別人誤以為你閱人無數。

愛物質，適當地。永遠知道精神更重要。比起那些名錶，名牌，時裝，更加美麗的是勤奮而有朝氣的你自己。如果你20歲以後所花的每一分錢還都是伸手向父母親人要來的，那你的滿身名牌就只能襯托出你的無恥。別以為穿上名牌你就有品位，要知道如果沒有真正的內涵，騾子配上金鞍也不會變成駿馬。你還年輕，先不說開始你的事業，開創你的未來，但你已經成年，至少也要讓自己不再成為父母的負擔，讓父母看到20年辛苦養育的希望。

無所事事只會把你變成一個廢物，一個被所有其他人鄙夷的廢物，因為這樣的你是一個不折不扣的寄生蟲。別以為弄個怪異的髮型，穿上不男不女的衣服，噴上刺鼻的香水，別人就會注重你，要明白那樣招來的眼光就是別人在看一隻與眾不同的猴子。許多有教養的人對另類的你的反感並不寫在臉上，但這種反感確鑿無疑肯定會給你帶來極其不利的後果。

別瞧不起勞動人民。不要為勞動羞恥。土地不髒，汗味不難聞。請尊重那些似乎生活狀況不如你，但仍然用自己的雙手誠實勞動養家餬口的人，因為這樣才是尊重自己。永遠體恤那些生活在底層的人們，因為我們的親人就是在這些人群中。我們不嬌貴。我們必須能夠自己養活自己，這是你的尊嚴所在。

不要小看一分錢。不妨自己去掙掙看。做人有時要強悍一點，被欺負的時候，一定要討回來！但是不要記恨。小人之見，隨他們去好了。有原則的寬容和憐憫，會使你高貴。有小心機的女生是可愛的，但別把這種心計用在勾心鬥角上，那樣會很累。做人不要太高調，高調容易招惹是非。但也不能太低調，該強悍時則強悍，但切不可咄咄逼人。

被朋友傷害了的時候，別懷疑友情，但提防背叛你的人。原諒，但並不遺忘。做人存幾分天真童心，對朋友保持一些俠義之情。要快樂，要開朗，要堅韌，要溫暖。這和性格無關。但你要忠誠，勤奮，要真誠的尊重別人，這樣你的人生才不會黑暗。

寬待自己，也寬待別人。當你不會因為小小的不如意小小的事而生氣或難過的時候，你會輕鬆很多。

要原諒這個世界和自己。要告訴自己，我值得擁有最好的一切。

2010-06-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

I feel good when I swim alone.

Why people always think that you have to do something with a companion? I cannot accept the idea.

I enjoy it. doing things alone.

Well, you can say it is pathetic. But, I do join people when I am not doing things alone. See? pretty clear. Perception. Stereotype.

2010-06-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

因为为一个人付出不需要任何的回报。。。。那是心甘情愿

my first mayday concert, never gonna forget that feeling......

2010-06-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

2010-06-14T04:32:00.000-07:00

I had been really lazy in academics. There are so many thing I want to do that does not involve academics. Study. How long had I become so 'i don't care'? Last time, when I really want to achieve something, I pour all my heart and effort in it, everything that is within or beyond my limits, I go for it. Yes, that was the time that I really want to pass my piano grade 8 exam. Not only pass, I want more than passing the exam. At last, indeed I got merit.

So, give me something that really push me to do things that is beyond my limits, that's how people improve right? Maybe not necessarily we have to improve all the times, but at least maintain the condition. I do not wish things get worsen.

What if now I really not into study? Is that an excuse? I remembered I used to push all the excuses aside and focus on the thing I want to achieve. Not me. This is so not me. I need time to adjust back to the 'old' me. But, shit what this focus thing so difficult. Maybe deep down inside is that I never have this kind of ambition 'I have to do well in this exam'. I had try to find other convincing reason to make me more focus like comparing with other hard-working friends. No, it doesn't work. And, end up I feel even worst.

so, what of I stop studying and doing something else?

2010-06-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous."
—
from Sex and the City.

Long long ago pics

2010-04-10T08:49:00.001-07:00

I had no time and no mood to upload. The mountainloads of pictures in my laptop pile up everyday. So, here I am. ^^

Update

2010-04-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

What feeds my soul.

A Thousand Splendid Suns is about two Afghanistan girls lead their lives separately and one day they met each other, start to know each other. It is a solemn story for me. Too unhappy. The second one describes change and solitude. Judging by my description, I believe you may misunderstand that it is boring. NO. I find this book extremely invigorating. I even copy some of the phrases that are so beautiful and useful. I want and wish to lead the life like the author. That kind of life that you can always find inner peace and interact with the inner 'you'. no rushing, almost comfortable pace.

your one and only 'Milo Dinosaur' *wink* -the name of the drink I saw in one cafe yet had no chance to drink it so I do it myself. (=

3) On one particular Sunday, Us, three sisters dine out. Of course, dajie drove.

2010-03-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

I want to go to all this places before I die. HAhaha.of course provided that I earn enough money.
I want to go Bora-bora, Maldives, Bali, Aegean sea, Boracay Island, Cebu, ohhhh.......if I were rich, nope I will earn and save money to visit my favourite places, then I can die in peace. haaaha(= :D:D:D choiX3.....touchwood.

Thinking of all these can be orgasmic

2010-03-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

Da..da ..da

It's been a lot of drama recently.
Our home is now seriously lack of a helper. My mom, dad, sisters and I have to do chores ourselves. washing clothes is mom's department. Mopping floor is dad's department. Elder sis cooks while younger sis sweeps the floor. I ? wash the car. You know this houseworks all sound little and easy. But, when you really do it yourself, ohhhhhhhhhh.........my gosh. What is the advantage is you get really dog tired after a day and it somehow improve you sleeping condition. HUH!

and it shocked me when my mom told me sth. IT IS DAMN DAMN DISGUSTING. I thought it only appeared in newspaper. What happen to this society?

This is how it is in our house since the maid has left us three weeks ago.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EVERYTHING seems so uncertain. I don't know what is the value of trust anymore.

2010-03-09T00:57:00.000-08:00

Things that make me happy:

No boundaries between you and me, the private intimacy we share, comfortable floral dress with a vintage belt and headband, act like a hippie, a vacation to bora bora swimming with no clothes on, try to expose to as much sunlight as possible, wear bright-coloured dress with other accessories and taking photos with weird poses, dance like nobody else is seeing, capture a picture using instant-film camera, watching fireworks etc etc. I am in love with the limitless imagination and fantasy of fashion and photography.

2010-02-08T04:05:00.000-08:00

我有一个坏习惯，

一碰到困难就想逃避。

2010-02-05T03:45:00.000-08:00

当你很讨厌一个人时，你知道不能当面跟他说。

当你只是单纯为他好，你知道有些话是忠言逆耳不是每个人都能接受。

当异性一直盯住你时，你知道那不是想追求你的意思，哦，不过是在百货公司里看到新推出的电玩。

当你知道有些人就算你想尽办法要跟他友好，你就是没有办法做到，所以就直接省略讨好别人的那一段吧。

当你看见情侣在你眼前穿梭，单身的你觉得很讨厌但并不说只是安慰自己天下的好男人死光啦除了你爸。

当你觉得虽然一个人独处不错时，但你也想体验有个伴侣的滋味。

当你觉得爱情不单单只是爱时，还包含了很多很多其他的东西，你选男人的眼光不再只是帅而已，还要又帅又体贴。

当你不再选自己爱的人，只选爱你多过你爱他的人。

那就表示你已经快要变成大人了。

这段期间我领悟的这些道理让我不再那么容易受伤害，这是件好事。你看，有些人拒绝成长，我觉得他们应该比较不自私，不像我。

哦，不对，我并不属于正常人。

这样的原则或许是最适合我。比起以前，浑浑愕愕陶醉在自设的剧情忘我的自导自演还信以为真的我，呃，好多多了。

曾经我怪罪那些让我引起那么多幻想的人却不负责任的陪我玩暧昧游戏过后便撇下我跑向另一个女生的怀抱，我现在还是很恨。

不过这些特性的男生却从来没从我生活消失过，以前的我一定会跌进陷阱，现在的我暗地里不爽，又来这招？有没有搞错，我的生活不想被你们毁了。你对其他女生可以这样，但不可以是我，因为我会幻想多多，也许是太感情用事了。我不想被整。你一定觉得很怪，但我就是这样的女生。

是的，全天下的好男人死光啦。

♥

2010-02-04T04:44:00.000-08:00

I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E :

-Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

-When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

-Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

-Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

-Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

-Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

-When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

-Spend some time alone every day.

-Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

-Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

-Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

-A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.

-In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.

-Don't bring up the past.

-Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

-Be gentle with the earth.

-Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

-Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other

-Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

-Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

♥

=)

2010-02-03T05:18:00.000-08:00

1) HOUSE RENTAL PROBLEM

2) IELTS

3) MUET

4) JPA LOAN

5) INTERNET THINGY

6) ...................................

Suddenly all my other problems seem so frivolous. All my friends and sis so concern me. I feel touched. my problems doesn't seem like problems anymore. =) I used to feel happy easily. and I should continue to be like that.

2010-01-30T09:04:00.000-08:00

Happiness is online-ing at home without lagging and you can watch whatever movies you want without waiting. =)

a slightly different version of happiness would be:
a) miu miu handbag
b) vintage heels

Two lab reports are waiting for me together with tonnes of things that have to be done. Otherwise, it would be perfect. Oh, I have been slacking. IELTS test is important yet I am lazy to do preparation. How am I going to pass the minimum requirement in this state? It is a BIG FAT NO to resit for the test. I am not going to let that happen. SERIOUSLY, then I have to do something.

Chinese New Year is coming, however I do not feel anything. Not like when I was small, I anticipated the coming of this festival. I would imagine how many relatives would come to my house and how happy I am. Besides, I would quickly finish all my homeworks so that I can enjoy spending time with my cousins without worrying undone works. Yeah, food , food, food, all my mind is delicious food that I did not have the chance to eat during normal days. Now? I get what I want to eat once my mind get across of it. Is this called blessed? or the other way round. :(

I guess that is the drawbacks of growing up. perhaps.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Inspirational things keep popping in my head, though I cannot describe them in full complete sentences, they makes me feel absolute satisfied. (((((((((:

I like my brain think out of the box. Constant thinking makes my brain refreshing and not stale. I like to see thinking as a kind of exercise. It has to be done frequently or else it may deteriorated, just like playing piano. And, that means thinking and not day-dreaming. ahahaha...

SHIT!!!!!

2010-01-17T02:18:00.000-08:00

No, I feel bad and sour. I am not happy. Of all the unfamiliar faces, I know I have to go through this period of time. I feel terribly not happy. Because being alone all the time. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

NOnononononoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
U are the one making this decision why the hell you are whining non stop??????
I don't know.
Seriously.

I need what?
okay, i decided to just stay focus on studies and let many troublesome things aside. ARRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shitload of things to decide and do recently!!!
I hate to make decision. HATE
HUHH
Thinking of the secret recipe cake in the fridge which my family brought from muar lessens my worries. huh
I HATE BEING ALONE~
I mean not the kind that you can do your things but that after you doing all your stuffs that you still alone. ALONE. No one to share your laughter no one to share your sadness. I don't want accompany by four-walled. I don't want to cry. I am not that weak. YA, maybe i am just hungry. hope after filing up my tummy, i won't be that sad anymore.

Totally random

2009-12-09T01:24:00.000-08:00

Lists of movies I have watched this holidays:

1. 'Closer' starred by Natalie Portman, Julie Roberts, Jude Law and Cliff Owen. I watched it because of the song the blower's daughter by damien rice. It ended up quite unexpectedly. Trust and compromise turned out to be the most important elements in maintaining a successful relationship, sorry out of topic...

2. 500 days of summer. I love zooey deschanel, that's all.

3. The Ugly Truth.

4. Resident Evil...blablablabla..lots more.

somethings in my mind which I actually didn't tell anyone because it's trivial:

1. Do people blog or post photos to seek the attention or to prove that they are loved?

2. Do you people think about how people on fb will reply to your photos once you have uploaded them and get offline a few days?

3. Do we have to be someone who is more pretty, diligent, different and blablabla just to prove to the people that have hurt us that we have grown up, do not lick our wounds anymore and became stronger? Do we need to act like that? Improving oneself is the best way of revenge, agree?

4. People being ignored, so they feel sad, it's normal?

5. How can someone like spending at home alone and at the same time like being surrounded with lots of encouraging friends? If they don't have them, they virtualize every fugly, hideous things into amazingly enticing heaven. 'faint'

6. So, tell me, who need constant encouragement and motivation? Everything comes from within themselves last longer and not easily defeated.

Do you understand me? if you answer is a big fat no, congratulations, you have just wasted your 5 minutes on reading my post.

Recently

2009-11-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

okay, what i did recently was watching drama 'beyond the realm of conscience', japanese drama, movies yeap basically I have had nothing to do. One important thing that i should pay attention is to further my studies, apply colleges and etc. Here the top of the list things that trouble me is IELTS, first to enter IMU I got to pass the exam above 6.5 which I am practically not confident. Why on earth other colleges do not need this but only this college?

Speaking of apply for colleges, I know I may sound like I am applying whole tonnes of colleges but I do nothing here. fuck i hate myself. This is my future man. Nobody can make this decision for you. My personality is like that whenever I face troubles or obstacles, I try to ignore them. Call me tortoise. What kind of situation am I in now? ggggggrrrrh..........

Oh, my sis is in the airport now while i am typing this. She is going to meet her friend in Beijing. I wish she could bring me but you see because I am her sis so a big 'NO' for her. And when I ask her what if her friends want to follow her, well a big big 'YES' fml. Anyway, I am not going to mad at her because she give me a blouse that I pretty much love. Real thing is i want to borrow from her but she says I can have it. Ya, same right?

Wish she could have a save journey then even she 'COULD NOT' bring me there. (sour plum) :3

No LOUD please!

2009-11-20T05:13:00.000-08:00

I FUCKING hate people who raise his or her voice when talking to me. FUCKING HATE! especially my friend. I don't know what's the definition of friend. If they are my friends, they won't do it right? Why they fucking act like totally ignoring how other felt? So, this won't called friends la. Ya know, sometimes we are forced to be split into two persons, even you hate someone, don't show it in front of them , you have to smile and try to be nice with them. First lesson. I find it so so so so so disgusting to do such things. Even more disgusting than having hundreds of moving worms in your mouth.

As usual, i blog only when i upset

2009-11-19T01:56:00.000-08:00

I feel bitter all the time. Maybe I shouldn't feel like that, i 'm obliged to place a smile on my face. the more i do so, the more i feel the urge to cry. shit! why i act like loser all the time? I'm supposed to be loved not to be ignored. I'm not thinking highly of myself. duh, even if i did, i don't think anythings wrong with that. Don't ever look down upon yourself, but now i almost lost my self-esteem, how to expect others not to do the same thing on me.

There seriously were two people inside me, one told me that you should act like that, not your fault, they did wrong. Another one said 'hey why are you being so rude'. Sometimes, I am confused if I am myself. I feel like somebody else. How hard it is to please me.

I am selfish. I am rude. I am honest. I am sentimental. I like to be frank. It's funny I don't want others to be frank with me. Example, if my hair doesn't look good today, don't ever tell me my hairs' a mess because either I already know or can't do anything even after hearing the 'advice'. And my frankness often misunderstand as rudeness which result in I don't have pretty much friends. Now, I sound real bitter. I don't think that you got to have a lot of friends but not that types can categorised to 'soul mate'. Ya, soul mate, a few is enough for me already.

You know, I am feeling bitter. I am afraid that in the future, when I grow up and look back at the entries I wrote I would feel embarrassed and think why am i so ignorant. It's really terrible, right? I even doubt myself. Too much sanity can be madness. Now, I am going to be mad.
I hate that I always look down on myself. Life can be pretty smooth if I am like forrest gump in the movie 'Forrest Gump" yeah? nope?

I just need some time to find back myself.

三十年后

2009-11-06T08:44:00.001-08:00

那就这样吧，世界怎会是一面倒的喜欢你呢，所以很正常的有些人毫无理由的讨厌你、喜欢说重伤人的话，那你又能怎样呢？当个安逸不反抗的缩头乌龟，乍看是个肚量大的人，其实为的也是想省些麻烦。

“最可恶的人是不择手段的人，通常也是受过良好教育和栽培的，所以他们深谙伪装之道，伴随自己装成是世上至善至美的人，以掩人耳目，在他人身上拿了好处而不被发觉。甚至，被利用的亮眼瞎子，还一脸天真，欢天喜地。” 摘自女友-嫣薇

有时发现这世界丑陋又残忍，我只有在思考一部分人让我捉摸不透的个性和举动时才会这样觉得。但是，我回头看静静地摆在床底下的鞋子们、美丽的衣服们，瞬间世界又好像明亮了。

我不懂沉思、领悟太多太多的大道理我也不知道要干吗。我只知道沉醉才自己幻想的世界里是没有好处的，而当年你要这样做时，现实也会充当锤头的角色，叩的一声，是在叫你醒来啦。欲罢不能？哦，那你的前途就在你发梦，别人猛踩油，努力提高自己的时候一点一点毁灭。这样讲有点严重、也有些偏见，天知道有些人的幻想能造就比普通人更高的成就。

我不懂为什么这么悲观，应该是最近看了太多中年人的部落格，抱歉！在看文章的当儿，我仿佛能想到未来三十年后的自己，家里养着一只狗（本人不喜欢猫），下班后一个人坐在电视机前吃饭，然后也不知道要做些什么，生活被工作埋没。或许你会联想到‘败犬女王’，一人依然散发光彩。我本来觉得这样也还好，自由自在，搞不好还能跟朋友在放假时背包旅行去，不需要当个黄脸婆。三十年后的事，我干吗现在就担忧，去你的三十年，那是未来的事！去你的一个人悲伤到老！去你的！我现在过得很好。

Damien rice

2009-11-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

How to describe this song. I don't know. I watch the video with somekind of feeling. I never seen someone sing a song like so real, every word he sang he meant it, after listening to his song, I got no where to hide my feeling that I don't want people to know, I am lonely, I need someone. Like I 'm being dumped by someone or being left behind. me time please, let me indulge in self pity, this song is way too beautiful that I should just listen to it and doing nothing. How could you not fall in love with someone hopelessly romantic like this despite his not-so-good-looking face (sorry!)? I am sad.

Rainy day *heart

2009-11-03T05:13:00.000-08:00

下雨天是我最喜欢的天气了！

对！之前有过类似的post。。

不过无所谓啦，因为我心里有满满的知足恨不得跟你一起分享也给以后的自己小小的提醒，在我最难过时应该做的事。

这样的天气，洗着冷水澡，冷上加冷，皮肤每个毛孔都被刺激的感觉远远比冲热水的暖和来得过瘾。

手一边握着暖暖的milo，一边翻着杂志欣赏里面美美的照片，听着陈绮贞的歌，凉凉的风吹过来，吹过发丝闻到清新洗发精的味道。

这样的天气，如果我不是在做以上的事，那应该是缠绕在被单里，躺在沙发上，手握着一本叙述关于爱情的书，幻想自己在每一个凄美的故事情节里和男主角爱得死去活来，有时候现实得不到的东西我在自己的幻想国度找到了，纵使这对平时严肃及被灌输逻辑思想和现实到不得了的人来说是多莫荒谬的事啊。

Songs

2009-11-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

远走高飞-林忆莲

忽然之间-莫文蔚

close to you -karen carpenter

对爱渴望-蔡健雅

I am obsessed with these songs. And when I say obsess, i wasn't said only. i put them in my playlist like repeated for whole day, may be more than twenty times. I love singing~

Happy~

2009-10-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

Compliments always brighten my days! Though it's from a stranger. It's not about the sincerity. I don't care as long as it makes me happy. Oh, 'cute' is not the right word to describe me. 'sweet' is still acceptable.:P I feel awkward to hear people comment like that. Hehe, I think my hairstyle makes me look stupid, that's why I am cute. -.-

On the way back

2009-10-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

These pictures were taken some times ago. I love the feeling of us in a small car. I enjoy the moments sharing laughter, conversations and the fact that we are together without other people. us = family

Quaint, solace night

2009-10-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

via wildfox

Listening to emo songs at cool, breezy night, angel from atilia in talentime is my current favourite. Some songs no matter how many times you play, you just won't get sick with them. Kind of laid -back music that makes me want to do nothing, keeping my mind blank and making me forget my exam. Hehe, I just wasted one day. I don't feel like want to study today although I know I should.

On the another note, many things stuck in my brain which are the things I want to do after exam. ohlala~ this is so called hypnotised when you console yourself that just bear only a few weeks more, you would be free, entirely free. I can 'pa tou' with my new camera, watch movie, go shopping, KTV, and blablabla. you see, when a person sticks in her room for long time, hence the outcomes-hallucinating. Call me dreamer.

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After watching talentime directed by yasmin ahmad, I was carried away by almost every lines, every characters and every scenes in the movie. My favourite part of the movie is love story between Mahesh and Melor. Almost every scene with them in, I cried. you know why? Their love is forbidden by Mahesh's mother. For other people, love is easy. I love you and you love me, that's all. We don't have barriers. But when religions and cultures come in, every simple thing changes to unbelievably complicated.

I must say that the director is intelligent , all the actors carry their characters very well. She chose the right one. Especially mahesh, I love how his alluring eyes shine and his bashful smile show on his face when he ride motorcycle with Melor behind. The most heartbreaking scene is when mahesh bow on the ground pleading his mother to agree the relationship between him and melor and melor is crying like the whole world crashed down in the van.

All in all, the movie is directed for malaysian, multi-language, multi-culture and multi-religion that only us malaysian can fully understand the whole storyline of movie. I hope to see more love stories like this so sad yet so beautiful, unfortunately this is the last movie produced by yasmin ahmad. I am a fan of her.

Aw..awwwwwwwwwww, I feel like want to fall in love.

Plan

2009-10-24T22:16:00.000-07:00

Mummy told me on the phone that we are going to taiwan at december. I shouldn't put too much hope though. It's a group tour...sienz..But better that no elsewhere to go. Just like previous year, too long ago we didn't travel, last one is probably two years ago, I always have had high hope or expectation that I would be very happy and the whole journey would be smooth and nothing goes wrong.

Bang!! Last two years during the tour to china lijang, I ate burger in Mcdonald and whole night then I couldn't sleep trying to figure out how to cure my stomachache. The result is I didn't sleep for one whole night, the moment I woke up was the next morning, the first thing I did was quickly rushed to toilet and vomitted. ta-da just when I thought everything will be smooth and steady. I wondered why I am the only one because my sister also ate the burger. I guess maybe I am weak like that wtf.

So, I cannot be too happy in case things like this happen again..choi!daigalishi.touchwood. Anyway, I am hoping my hair will grow longer at that time (stupid, it definitely will, where got hair grow shorter) heehee so that I can take not so ugly pic in taiwan~~~

Oh, by the way, aileen is in taiwan. I think I should tell her but too bad mostly we can't meet except I travel myself.

I AM SMITTEN

2009-10-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

SUPER SUPER LOVE PHOTOGRAPHER!

PHOTOGRAPHER WHO CAPTURE INSPIRATIONAL PHOTO TURNS TURNS TURNS ME ON. AND NOW, I FELL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH PHOTOGRAPHERS. ><

Voila!

2009-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am glad to become the owner of my pretty g11. Aww...it's like I am the parent of this newly-born daughter. She's just so cute! and I want to find a name for her, any suitable one?

Her arrival also means that I have lot lots of thing to learn. All ISO, aperture, and focal length...I also got pretty excited when I found out one very special function that I longed. Wish granted. Thanks, mom! and dad also who actually feel so bored accompanying us to shop.

The truth is, initially i wanted to buy g10 as I surfed the canon website and saw only g10 available(means no g11). After comparison and selection, and also other people recommendation I chose g10. It's strange after I buy g11, i go to surf the website again, g11 just pop up as new product. So NEW >< HAHA The main reason I want to buy g10 is because it's 14 sth mega pixels which is higher than my sis one, sony alpha100. So, instead of adding a lower grade camera to our family, I should buy a more canggih one wtf. Now I realise a good camera doesn't depend on how high its megapixel or multifunction, as long as the person really put effort to observe the beautiful things around us and snap like the image ur brains reflect in your eyes. That's the best photograph ever I think.

Knowing how to appreciate every little things surrounding us, that seems easy but somehow when some of us want to do it, it can be so hard. We often forget and need other people to remind us treasure people, nature, etc. As we do this, there will be less grudge and more merriness in this world. (sound so erm.. aiks) I think I am getting older. Anyway that's the thing I realise through my life for approximately 19 years.

break down

2009-10-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am happy in the morning.
I am sad at night.
I go to swim alone.
Instead of walking the usual path, I change and walk the other one.
I think of you.
I don't even want to see you.
After swimming, I walk back.
I walk quickly, can't even know why my heart is pumping so fast because of 6 laps of swim or you.
I see yellow shirt from distance.
Feeling of hatred rises. I am angry.
I am angry at myself why cannot pretend like nothing happens.
Or, I just find excuse for myself that i cannot cope with this exam and blame on others.
Usually, even if I cannot strive the best, I will feel ok that I give my best.
Now, I hate myself for being so dumb.
At the same time, I question the objective to study.

SHIT>.< >.< >.<..GOD, bad really bad dreams are haunting me.

It's so real I thought I am going to go crazy. I sit on the bed with my mind blank, I want to cry, the feelings inside my heart is so intensively dark, somber and gloom. No tears flow out. I told my mom because I dreamt something bad on her. She said she don't even want to hear. She said i grow older cannnot tahan such thing, don't tell me don't tell me. 'Why you always have bad dreams?' she asked. That's the point! Could that happen because of stress of the exams? I really scare I cannot score well. Oh stress, well, stress........I want to cry, but my very logical mind tells me no point crying. I just cannot sustain it anymore. Whose shoulder gonna lend me for a while, just for a while?

Driving like F1..woohoo

2009-10-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first drive on highway. woohoo! Imagine all the cars were moving at speeds like 140km/h, even kancil or other small cars seriously i think their cars are gonna fly when wind blows, and i was driving my dad's camry on the most left lane which is the lane for heavy vehicles. swt -.- Beginner beginner..

Just the moment out from tol towards highway, adrenaline surged through my pulse, my heart was thumping hard more than ever, those cars were like F1 (okay, exaggeration) but after a little while, I comforted myself just to drive like normal in muar (my normal speed was 60km/h). So, now you understand how uncomfortable I felt. In fact, speed like tortoise wasn't allowed there my dad kept saying drive faster you can drive up to 100km/h. Okay, I guess that's the only chance I act like pro. Haha..so funny. In muar, even I drove in abnormal slow speed, my dad would warn me eh, why you drive so fast.

Then, he looked at the time and surprised that three hours we still on the way. Normally, we would reach the destination.

"The reason why we are late is because I let two of you drive," he said.

"If I let your sis drive, we couldn't reach cheras even by 9," HAHAHAHA......now i am being blamed but with little compliment inside his words.

I still lack of practice of driving car. need more practising.

p/s: 16 days to A2 exam.

Out of my mind

2009-09-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am tired of repeating the cycle. When can i stop.

Planning to study, then the moment i sit in front of computer, everything goes out of my mind, the time flies, then i sleep, so did i touch my books??? so, i feel bad and guilty. I plan to study again and the cycle repeats. gosh! i hate myself. I see someone can manage their time very well. They can manage their studies, at the same times, they can do the social things, you get what i mean? geddit? They play hard and study hard.

not wanting to put 'random' because it's too random

2009-09-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

i need time management!

Urgent!

Exam is coming in three weeks. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

i got statistics mock exam result today and not pretty satisfy with the result.

If my statistics like that, I can't imagine how's my pure maths' result.

God, buddha, Allah, if any one of you heard me, please help me. ok, i know, good things don't come that easily, i got to be more hardworking.

Besides this, another thing i am looking forward is attend my cousin's wedding this week. Coincidentally, it is also mooncake day. Get to eat bingpi yuebing, hopefully. hu~~~

If i am given a chance, i hope to be a model after watching i wanna be a model on 8tv. One thing, fantasized too much isn't a good thing, bear in mind. Take actions.(woot!)

bejewelled on facebook is making me crazy. I want to play, god why can't you let me play. After all the refresh and refresh again and nothing comes out, I give up.

ugly shot..just want to show my favourite floral skirt..hehe

My heart is not mine.

2009-09-16T03:50:00.001-07:00

Below is the post yesterday i wanted to post, but don't know why laptop screen suddenly lagged, so saved it in my drafts la.
The thing I want to say is I just don't agree with what i typed yesterday (what kind of language i am using). Yup, it's alien. it's ambivalent. And, sometime I don't even know myself. MAIN POINT is I enjoy 'alone' time pretty much. Yup, seeping a cup of milo (though coffee sounds cooler.wtf), reading some books, listening to some of my favourite music. AHhh, that's the life after tired of fast-paced lifestyle, struggling hard for good results (noooooo, I'm slacking! seriously!), facing traffic jams everyday (noooo also, gt no car how to traffic jam) and somemore some rude drivers, repeating the things you do everyday, erm where we're talking about now? HAHA, ya life is nothing more but having you own sweet times, even whole world came crushing down, although you'll be my side, saying sweet things to comfort me but nothing works best than my own soul tell me just let it go. Sometimes, your words just doesn't soothe me although you did try work hard, but I think I'll appreciate the efforts you made. And, the efforts is enough to put a smile on my face.

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The whole world came crushing down, falling into pieces, what'd i had?

i got you.

i have waiting to spill this word out for long.

not even chances i am given.

so music soothe me

having silly laugh time with friends soothe me

.

.

.

but can i have anything more than that?

i want anything besides that.

Short post

2009-09-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

Amazed at how other bloggers can update their blog frequently...

photo taken in legend resort, cherating by stt, making peace in the sky and feel like wanting to cut the bra strip that ruined this.

Inspiration for friday

2009-09-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

pics courtesy of many other blogs tht i forgotten their names.

我的天空

2009-09-09T04:49:00.000-07:00

What keeps me alive

2009-09-09T03:52:00.001-07:00

1.music-songs-sing songs-sing like nobody else business in the room as loud as possible not giving a thought that the opposite hostel guys or my neighbour will feel irritating or giving a thought but don't care as well-give me rock or sentimentel-i enjoy such indulgence.

2. food-fruits-desserts-chocolates-wheat-like how glycolysis can happen which brings Link reaction happen next, Krebs cycle and oxidative phosphorylation next..issit??? mock exam is coming, even lecturer knows we are not prepared, so what's the point of having the exam. Oh...i should have no time crapping here instead study everything that i left out but you know today is 090909 you know..ya i mean it you know? *so annoying wtf I should go and grab a husband in order to marry on this particular day.

3. I know why my mood so low these few days dy. It's because I 've not eaten desserts long long time ago. thats the sweet things can help secretion of endorphin which make me very happy but now not anymore cause i don't have desserts.): So sorry out of topic already. Thirdly, reading other people's blog keep me alive. really. I read about ten to twenty blogs a day. And, I can tell you i am a consistent stalker.wtf. Why i read? because my life is so dull compared to theirs.

4. I regret that day mom brought me shopping and i tried on a sequin tank and harem pants which is incredibly comfortable. I chose one as the price of the pants is quite pricy. 60 hehe..The sales girl keep on saying this shirt is from hong kong one blablabla very hard to find at other stores but i insist that i need one only. Therefore, I left the sequin tank crying there alone because her owner abandon her. I could hear my heart crying too. that sales girl says i will regret but those words emphasizes like nobody want to but that shirt.. like hardsell. So i don't like the way she says. but, after i went back, her words keep haunting me and now I. am. regret. So when i go back to muar, i want to go back and buy her. This thought keep me alive, can onot?

5. To match the floral dress i bought recently, i thought wood strapped heels will match. Hence, i'm going to hunt for such shoes after mock exam.

here's an example. from nine west. *take a deep breath

6. my canon G10 still haven't gotten. my desire to buy it seem lessen and lessen each day. I am not more passionate about it anymore.

7. chit chat times with close friends and family. I miss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay...my mood really low that i don't know what more can i crap. i just want to make myself feel better after typing this post which results no change ..got la ..a little little bit...

15 malaysia

2009-08-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

'Here in my home', this song is touching and nice. It features some popular singer, actor and people from wide field of occupation, in short malaysian artists. It is a project from malaysian artist for unity. Let me name a few artists involved, amber chia, ning baizura, jacklyn victor, tony fernandez from air asia too etc. Not to mention the directors involved in this project, like pete teo, ho yuhang, yasmin ahmad and others. The cooperation between these talented directors gives sparkles. and i'd love to see upcoming project 15malaysia by them and more other collaboration in the future. Sadly to say, 15 will be minus one since Yasmin Ahmad had passed away before the launching of 15 malaysia which is today 17th August 2009. It is also a great loss to malaysia as Yasmin contributes a lot to this country previously.

All trailers of 15malaysia are available on youtube. They will be released on the date shown on the website www.15malaysia.com. It's worth a check because our country seldom has such stuff going on. This time it's really a first step towards more and more interesting and inspiring projects. Well, look forward for them!

2005 The things I regret I didn't say

2009-07-27T04:57:00.000-07:00

Alice in wonderland

2009-07-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

oo...green colour contacts, orange hair, could anyone be more weirdo than him?

I still remember when i was a kid, I read Alice in wonderland, every scene and every person that described in the book freaked me out. And, I thought it was more frightening than other ghost stories. Or better still, I was traumatized.FML

it's one of a fairytale, right? right? like snow white, cinderella, etc.

Beautiful. isn't it.

Johnny depp as mad hatter burton.

Anne hathaway as white queen.

Helena Bonham as carter red queen.

pic courtesy of The Skinny

ahem, act don't want to abandon my blog. wait till my next post. I think I still can manage to write something even though I don't have reader.

This is one of the way to bitch about others but others wouldn't know and I get the peace after venting all the anger. cuz i think blog is a way to express my feeling when I couldn't vent it out somewhere.

one black malaysia

2009-07-21T03:20:00.002-07:00

What to blog? erm, currently not in a state of blogging. Excuse.
But, i update quite often in twitter. I found it's a lot convenient just like 'mini blog'.

I ...

i really don't know what to write.

What do you think about malaysia's government? Such issues can be very sensitive in malaysia. I am very disappointed with this country. or to say i never have expectations on those leaders. Talking without brain, that is what they are capable of. I mean, if i have to say further, maybe i would be detained in the jail. Please, what kind of country am i living now?